In our interactions with others, it’s easy to misinterpret behavior as intentionally hurtful. A colleague dismisses your idea, a friend stops responding to your messages, or a loved one says something cutting. It’s natural to feel slighted or wounded, but often, these actions aren’t about hurting you at all. They’re about the other person trying to keep themselves safe in the only ways they know how.

Self-Preservation Is a Universal Instinct

At its core, self-preservation drives much of human behavior. People act out of their own fears, insecurities, and survival strategies, many of which are deeply ingrained and unconscious. Someone dismissing your idea might fear it threatens their own standing. A friend going silent might be overwhelmed and unsure of how to respond. A sharp comment from a loved one could stem from their inner frustration rather than actual malice.

Miscommunication Breeds Misunderstanding

What looks like an attack may often be a defense mechanism. Most people aren’t intentionally cruel or harmful; they’re acting out of a desire to shield themselves from perceived harm. Miscommunication can amplify this, making defensive actions feel personal when they are anything but.

Empathy as a Lens for Understanding

When we encounter behavior that feels hurtful, it helps to shift our perspective from “Why are they doing this to me?” to “What might they be protecting themselves from?” By recognizing that most people are operating out of their own fears or limitations, we can begin to depersonalize the experience and see their actions as part of their personal coping mechanism.

Practical Steps to Respond

1. Pause Before Reacting: Take a moment to breathe and reflect before assuming intent.
2. Ask Questions: Gently inquire into the situation to understand their perspective.
3. Set Boundaries: Empathy doesn’t mean tolerating harmful behavior—communicate your limits kindly but firmly.
4. Focus on the Bigger Picture: Remember that everyone is fighting their own internal battles.

Growth Through Understanding

By recognizing that others’ actions are often more about their self-preservation than about hurting us, we not only protect our own peace of mind but also build stronger, more empathetic connections. This mindset helps us grow into more understanding, compassionate individuals while empowering us to navigate relationships with resilience and clarity.

The next time someone’s behavior feels hurtful, pause and reflect: What might they be protecting themselves from? This simple shift in perspective can turn pain into understanding and conflict into connection.

In the world of agile development and project management, backlogs are the heartbeat of progress. They serve as a collection of work items, user stories, bugs, and tasks that drive team efforts toward achieving goals. But here’s a common misconception: a full backlog—a treasure chest of to-dos and ideas—is a sign of success. In reality, a full backlog can signal unhealthy practices and a lack of focus.

Here’s why having a full backlog is not synonymous with having a healthy backlog.

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1. Overwhelming Volume Dilutes Priorities

When your backlog is bursting at the seams, it becomes harder to discern what truly matters. Critical tasks can get lost in the noise of less impactful items, leading to wasted effort on work that doesn’t move the needle.

Healthy Practice: Continuously prioritize and prune your backlog. Ensure it reflects the current needs and long-term vision of the team or organization.

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2. The Myth of Infinite Resources

A full backlog often gives the illusion that everything will eventually get done. The reality? Teams have finite capacity. A never-ending list of tasks creates unrealistic expectations and puts undue pressure on teams to overperform.

Healthy Practice: Acknowledge the team’s capacity and focus on delivering high-quality outputs rather than juggling too many tasks at once.

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3. Cognitive Overload and Decision Fatigue

A massive backlog can overwhelm team members, creating a sense of paralysis. When everything feels urgent and important, decision-making suffers. Teams may spend more time debating what to work on than executing effectively.

Healthy Practice: Keep your backlog lean by regularly grooming it. Archive outdated items, and simplify your work pipeline to reduce cognitive load.

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4. Stale and Irrelevant Items

Not everything that enters the backlog ages well. Some items may become irrelevant due to changes in business strategy, user needs, or technological advances. Keeping these stale items clogs the workflow and misrepresents the team’s priorities.

Healthy Practice: Schedule regular backlog refinement sessions to identify and remove irrelevant or outdated items.

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5. Erosion of Team Morale

A full backlog can feel like an insurmountable mountain to climb. Teams may lose motivation when they perceive that their efforts barely make a dent in the workload. This can lead to burnout and dissatisfaction.

Healthy Practice: Celebrate completed tasks and ensure the backlog reflects realistic goals. Transparency about priorities helps teams feel aligned and valued.

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6. A Full Backlog Masks Deeper Issues

A constantly growing backlog might indicate broader systemic problems, such as a lack of strategic alignment, poor stakeholder management, or unclear goals. It may also reveal that the team is not saying “no” to low-value work.

Healthy Practice: Use the backlog as a diagnostic tool to identify and address underlying issues. Engage stakeholders in discussions about priorities and trade-offs.

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The Way Forward: Focus on Quality, Not Quantity

A healthy backlog is a living, breathing artifact. It’s not about how much you can stuff into it but about how effectively it supports your team’s objectives. By keeping your backlog focused, prioritized, and aligned with your goals, you’ll enable your team to work smarter, not harder.

Remember: a full backlog is not a badge of honor—it’s a warning sign. Strive for a backlog that empowers your team rather than burdens it, and you’ll see the real magic of agile unfold.

In an age of accelerating innovation and interdisciplinary knowledge, being a “subject matter experimenter” is a mindset that thrives on curiosity, adaptability, and relentless questioning. These are individuals who explore widely, connect dots across domains, and test ideas at the boundaries of their understanding. For such experimenters, the “unbroken chain of why” becomes an essential tool.

What Is the “Unbroken Chain of Why”?

The concept revolves around asking “Why?” repeatedly until the essence of a problem or concept is distilled. This technique—rooted in practices like the Five Whys from Toyota’s lean methodology—pushes us beyond surface-level understanding into the heart of challenges and opportunities. The “unbroken chain” extends this by emphasizing continuity, ensuring each subsequent “why” builds seamlessly on the last.

Rather than asking “why” five times and stopping arbitrarily, the unbroken chain keeps going as long as curiosity drives value. The practice avoids superficial conclusions, enabling deeper connections and insights, especially when navigating uncharted territories.

Why the Unbroken Chain Matters to Experimenters

1. Encourages Cross-Disciplinary Exploration

Subject matter experimenters often operate across various fields, many of which have their own jargon, assumptions, and blind spots. The unbroken chain helps them challenge those assumptions and identify underlying principles that transcend disciplines. For instance, asking “why” about artificial intelligence’s ethical dilemmas might lead to questions about human decision-making, cultural values, or even evolutionary psychology.

2. Fosters Resilience in Complexity

Experimenters thrive in ambiguity, where clear answers are rare. The unbroken chain provides a framework to navigate complexity. Each “why” peels back a layer, helping experimenters map the relationships between variables and prioritize what matters most. This is particularly useful when prototyping or testing in environments with no established playbook.

3. Builds Momentum in Idea Generation

The chain serves as a catalyst for ideation. By uncovering fundamental truths, experimenters can generate ideas that are both innovative and rooted in reality. Whether designing a new product, solving a systemic problem, or testing a hypothesis, this process ensures that solutions aren’t just novel but also meaningful.

4. Bridges the Gap Between Curiosity and Execution

Many experimenters struggle with translating abstract curiosity into actionable insights. The “why” chain bridges this gap by turning nebulous questions into focused exploration. For example, asking “Why don’t people adopt this technology?” can lead to “Why is the user experience unintuitive?” and further to “Why isn’t the onboarding process accessible?”

How to Use the Unbroken Chain Effectively

1. Start with an Open Mind: Avoid assumptions about where the chain will lead. Let each “why” guide the journey organically.
2. Balance Breadth and Depth: While it’s tempting to go deep in one area, don’t neglect tangential “whys” that could open up new pathways.
3. Involve Diverse Perspectives: Collaboration with others can ensure that biases and blind spots are minimized.
4. Capture and Iterate: Document the chain to reflect and iterate as new insights emerge.

Unleashing Experimentation with “Why”

The unbroken chain of why is more than a questioning technique—it’s a mindset. For subject matter experimenters, it transforms curiosity into clarity and chaos into opportunity. By embracing this relentless pursuit of understanding, they become better equipped to innovate, adapt, and build solutions that are as diverse and dynamic as the challenges they tackle.

In a world that rewards experimentation, asking “why” without pause ensures that no thread of insight is left unexplored. The next breakthrough might just be one more “why” away.

Konectin is on the lookout for two talented engineers who are proficient in React and Node.js to join our dynamic team! This is your chance to work on cutting-edge technology, collaborate with a team of passionate innovators, and build something truly impactful.

We are offering an opportunity to work on equity—meaning you’ll have a stake in the future success of what you help create. This is more than just a job; it’s a chance to become a co-architect of a growing vision.

What We’re Looking For:

• Proficiency in React and Node.js: If you have the skills to build seamless, high-performance web applications, we want you!
• A Visionary Mindset: We’re seeking individuals who think big and thrive in a fast-paced, creative environment.
• Passion for Equity: This role is perfect for those who value the long-term rewards of contributing to something meaningful.

Why Konectin?

At Konectin, we don’t just build software; we build dreams. Our core values of innovation, collaboration, and customer obsession drive everything we do. By joining us, you’re not just taking a role—you’re shaping a future.

Let’s Build Something Extraordinary

If you’re ready to create impactful technology, grow professionally, and invest in your future, we’d love to hear from you. 💡 Apply now and become part of a journey that’s as exciting as it is rewarding.

📧 Interested? Send your resume and a quick note about why you’d be a great fit to m.fadehan@konectin.org.

🛠️ Let’s innovate. Let’s inspire. Let’s Konectin. 🚀

I’m happy to share that I’m starting a new position as Distinguished Engineer, Executive Director at Morgan Stanley!

As I reflect on my career journey thus far, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the incredible support, encouragement, and guidance I have received from so many amazing people along the way. It’s truly wondrous to recognize the collective impact that mentors, colleagues, friends, and even chance encounters have had in shaping my path.

To my mentors and/or sponsors, David Halliwell, Dov B. Katz, Brian Ingenito, Tony Sanchez, Anthony Golia, Neil Allen, Shane Artis, Annie Foster, Paul Fox, Yan Tordoff, Nick Williams, Stephen Goldbaum, Bonny J. Pratt, Aaron Satlow thank you for generously sharing your wisdom, for believing in my potential when I sometimes doubted myself, and for pushing me to grow beyond my comfort zone. Your advice and insights have been the foundation of my growth, and I carry your lessons with me every day.

To my colleagues and teammates (far too many to list here), you have been my partners in success and my pillars of strength during challenges. Thank you for your collaboration, your constructive feedback, and for making the work environment one where creativity and innovation could thrive. I’ve learned so much from working alongside such talented and driven individuals.

To my friends and family, thank you for being my constant cheerleaders. Your unwavering belief in me, your patience during late nights and busy seasons, and your emotional support have been my anchors.

To the broader communities I’ve been fortunate to be part of, including FINOS ( Gabriele Columbro, Rob Moffat, Aaron Grizz Griswold, James McLeod, Karl Moll, Keith O’Donnell, Eddie Knight, Olivier Poupeney), Microsoft MVP ( Betsy Weber, Rochelle Sonnenberg, Rick McGuire, Prachi Kasodhan, Allison Gorman Nachtigal and all my fellow MVPs #mvpbuzz ), Autism Hackathon ( Leo Junquera, Dr Rick Kubina , Lori Kim, Rishi Bhatnagar, Allison Junquera), KOMP ( Konectin Inc and Michael Fadehan) and more, thank you for inspiring me with your passion and shared commitment to progress and innovation. You’ve shown me the value of collective efforts and the power of open collaboration.

Each of you, in your unique way, has contributed to my journey, and I am forever grateful. Whether it was a piece of advice, an opportunity, or simply a kind word, your support has been invaluable.

As I continue forward, I carry the lessons and support you’ve given me, and I strive to pay it forward to others in the same spirit of generosity and kindness.